The Nances Attend Their First Meeting at the Spanish Ward

Hello Everybody!

After much ado and tons of help from others - and Providence - we've moved into our new home (we moved in with family for a few months after we left Texas, but now we have our own place) at last.  Our new address is 430 N. 470 W. #19, Lehi, UT 84043.  We love our new place!  I hope to post pictures soon.

David and I prayerfully considered what this new phase of our family's journey should look like.  Among other things, we ultimately decided - David very excitedly and me very nervously - that we would go to Church in Spanish here.  I was nervous that we would be seen as invaders or impostors, so I asked David to call ahead and make sure we would be welcome.  The Bishop ("Obisbo" Martinez) was happy to hear from us and reassured us that we would not be the only Spanish-as-a-second-language family there, and that he looked forward to meeting us.

We prepared ourselves and our children as best we could for the big day, but there was definitely tension in the air as we drove to Church.  Malachi started to cry, and said he didn't want to go to the Spanish ward.  I felt scared too.  We sand "Scripture Power," and that helped.  I assured him that I would go with him to Primary and that helped him feel better too.  He didn't know that the thought of going to Primary with him in stead of Sunday School alone was comforting to me too, as David would at least bring Charlotte to Nursery to explain her gluten free needs if not stay with her there.

We sat down in Primary on the "4 anos" row with a beautiful Hispanic Mom who introduced herself to me as "Carmen."   Malachi asked me, "What do I do with all these strangers?" as he looked at his classmates, who were competing with each other at how high they could count in English.  Ultimately, he held up four fingers and enthusiastically declared, "Cuatro anos," ("four years (old)") several times.  It reminded me of the Kid History video Mark and Jessica love so much when the guy keeps popping out of nowhere and saying "BUT if you buy four completos..."  The children looked at him, a little confused, but not judgmental.  Carmen welcomed him, and between him and I, discerned that his name is "Malaquias" in Spanish, and introduced him to the rest of the class.

Before bed Saturday night, we asked Malachi to think of some things he liked that he could talk about if someone asked him.  He asked us how to say "rifle" ("rifle") and shotgun ("escopeta").  Apparently he hadn't stopped thinking of possibilities, because about the same time Primary officially began, he looked his teacher in the eyes and said, "Me gusta armas de fuego" ("I like guns").  This wonderful woman, with the same smile I would have expected to see if he had told her he likes birds or puppies, said, "Bien!" instantly becoming my hero!  Shortly after that, someone came to pull us out of Primary to come meet the Bishop, and I was delighted to hear Malachi protest that he wanted to stay.  (I was less delighted, however, to learn that my new hero gives out chocolate, and Charlotte's Nursery leaders do lollypops.  I guess you can't have it all - at least not on the first Sunday!)

We all had a great time.  One of the Brothers told David that he was always happy to meet a "Gringo" who could could speak Spanish because to him that meant God loved him.

They're great people - so real! - and we were indeed welcomed.

After Church, I let Malachi draw while Charlotte and David napped, and encouraged him to draw things that Jesus created.  I suggested a tree, which he said was hard, but I encouraged him to practice and he did a great job.  He asked if God created turtles and was happy to be able to draw them. He drew several, and then informed me that he didn't have to practice because he's already good at drawing turtles.  And so he is. :)

He wants to tell you this: "I love drawing turtles and my orange one got lost."

We hope you all had a wonderful Sunday too.  Love and hugs from us to you!

Big News

Something is happening for the Nances this months.  No, we're not pregnant, but you'll still want to hold onto your chair, because this one is a doozie.

Some of you know that early in December, David withdrew from his program.  This was a long time coming, and we finally felt the Lord's strong opinion that it was time to move on.  There are many many reasons why, but in short, a person can only live a lie for so long before it becomes evident that he can't turn the lie true.  So, with a few ideas of what he might do instead and as-strong-as-we-can-muster faith in God, we (I say we because we did it together even though it fell to him to physically say, write, and type the necessary words) resigned from the PhD program.

Over the next few weeks, I launched into high gear, trying to find enough freelance content writing and copywriting clients to keep us afloat as we transition into the next phase of our lives, whatever the future may hold.  I have found some so far, but not enough, and while I'm still looking, we realized our runway was running out very quickly, so we tried to think of anyone we hadn't called yet.

I called David's Aunt Delonie, who is the VP of Human Resources at her rapidly growing company, to ask if she knew anyone who might be looking for freelance copywriters.  She actually got really excited as she asked about my experience and qualifications, and then encouraged me to apply for a full-time position with benefits at her company.  We prayed and decided I would apply, and through other research and pondering and prayer, decided that living near David's family in Utah was better than Texas now anyway. Whatever the Lord sent us here to do is essentially done, and it's time to move on - and on means to Utah.

So now we're selling almost everything we can't carry onto the plane, and giving away the rest, and starting a new life in a place of our own with a newer-than-ever car (this one's staying here!) and the future looks bright for the Nances.  We're hopeful that David's book writing, through his perseverance and hard work, and my freelance writing will add up to enough to allow me to come home again within the year.  So if you or anyone you know is looking for a writer, put in a good word for me.

Anyway, enough of that.  We're all sad to leave the people we love here and David is especially sad to leave his aspirations for a Doctoral degree behind, so even though we're certain this is the right thing to do, we ask for your prayers at this difficult time.  We have things to pack, things to get rid of, books to mail, friends to say goodbye to and get addresses from, three children to coach and physically move through the experience, fly nonstop from Houston to Salt Lake, a home to find and buy or rent, a minivan to buy and register...you get the picture.  All the prayers and encouraging thoughts you can send will be appreciated - we feel and appreciate those you say already.

Speaking of minivans, David and I chuckled today that faith and tithing are probably the only reasons why our van isn't already dead.  A pickup truck backed out of an opposing parking spot at the same instant we did Friday night and we collided.  Thankfully, neither party could see any reason to make a big deal of it, so we went our separate ways without exchanging insurance information.  We didn't realize until this morning how much damage was done - the whole driver's side is pushed forward from the rear to the point that it's hard to open the driver's side door.  The week before that (also on date night!) we ran over a huge nail-type thing and popped a tire, but when we took it to Walmart they ignored my request to replace the tire and patched it instead.  The week before that we had the oil changed and the nice man informed us that there was oil in the coolant.  At this point  I'm praying I'll be able to drive it to the junk yard when we go to sell it for scrap rather than have it towed :)  I'm ready for something nicer moving forward!

That brings you up to speed on the crazy Nances.  Anyone who wants more details can feel free to call me - I'll be busy organizing and packing and cleaning here until we fly out Wednesday, January 28.

Thanks for reading - we love you! :)

Saturday is a Special Day...

Malachi's Primary program is tomorrow, which was just the motivation I needed to finally shave his overgrown hair.  I plug in the buzzer and seat him - I realize later - directly across from our framed photograph of the First Presidency of the Church.
As I'm  cutting:
Malachi: I want to look like President Eyring.
Me: No, he's bald! He doesn't have any hair at all!
Malachi: I want to be bald.
I related this to David later, with M present.
David: I'm o.k. with him wanting to look like President Eyring.
Me to David: But tomorrow's the Primary program.
David: Oh, that's true.
Me to Malachi: Tell you what, you do the Primary program tomorrow and if you still want to on Monday, I'll shave your head then.  Is that a good compromise?
Malachi (laughing): Nope it's not!
Me: I think that's what he wants - to look like President Eyring for the Primary program.
David to Malachi: Mommy doesn't want you to look like a goof for the Primary program.
Malachi: Then everyone would be like, What!? (Teenager head-cocking, eyebrows and all!)

We about died laughing!  It was a great moment.  He still won't be bald tomorrow though :)

Speaking Kindly to an Ignorant World

This is not a rant.

But it could be.

I have expressed my concerns about the potential hazards of the vaccine schedule to infants on multiple forums lately. I am not against vaccines on principle, I only hope to encourage people who care what I have to say to do some research and arm themselves with the facts before they chose when and which vaccines are administered to their child.  I honestly have no problem with parents choosing to vaccinate fully and on schedule, as long as they choose to do that, rather than just bowing to the "sign here" culture prevelent in many doctor's offices these days (and as I did with my first two children).

I am not sure which of these forums this complete stranger got my email address from, but she read a comment I made about how I intend to at least delay consenting to the MMR vaccine for my youngest daughter because of its links to autism, and found it so offensive that she sent me a personal email.  In this email, she shared many facts about the dangers measles, mumps, and rubella, along with some images. Thankfully, my email does not show images in emails without my express permission.  I determined not to turn on the images until after I responded, because I suspected they would upset me.

I decided to respond right away because I was in a good mood and I wanted to be kind.  I'll include my response here (complete with typos - oops), in case it would be helpful to anyone who feels as I do and isn't sure how to respond kindly to unkind people who accuse of crimes (chiefly, not doing our own research and not caring for the well-being of our own or others' children) not committed.  I also thought it might be comforting to any of my family members who might be concerned by my recent posts that I might never vaccinate my baby, which isn't true.  Plus, I want to keep it filed away for potential future use and for posterity:

Dear ,

I do not know who you are or how you got my email address, but I still appreciate your concern. I have educated myself with many sources, which I hope all parents will do for their own children. A couple of my favorite sources are this blog http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/why-all-the-measles-outbreaks/#comment-2096 from a family who has done much more research on this subject than I have time to do. There are many links at the bottom of that particular post that site sources, hundreds total once you follow the links, confirming the links to autism the post asserts.

Another book I would recommend to anyone is Dr. Sears' "The Vaccine Book" which offers a balanced review of every single vaccine on the schedule, pros and cons and options. It's excellent. It neither persuades to or to not vaccinate, only offers information no one gets on those little we-have-to-give-you-these-before-we-ask-you-to-sign sheets the pediatricians give us five minutes before the shots are administered. I highly recommend giving that book at least a flip-through.

With the allergies my daughter already has, and the strains of autism and Celiac in my family, I felt it would be wise to wait until her immune system was a little more developed to introduce these three dangerous diseases at once into her system.

You may also be interested to know that children vaccinated on schedule often don't have the immunity for life that children whose parents waited a little longer enjoy. So outbreaks are much more often because of fully vaccinated adults, not unvaccinated children.

I do not wish to persuade anyone to make the choices I am making, only that they inform themselves about the facts, benefits, and risks rather than bowing to the mighty schedule the mainstream swears by by default. I am sad when I hear someone decides not to vaccinate before they've really researched it, and I'm sad if someone decides to just-sign-here before they've really researched it too.

Again, thank you for your concern, and have a blessed Sunday!

Ashley

...One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.


I hit "send" and then, out of curiosity, I turned on the images. The photographs of sick children did not surprise me. This one did, though:

Please, educate yourself and help everyone eradicate these awful diseases.

Suddenly doesn't look so bad does it?

It was then that I realized this person never attempted to disprove my research-backed claim that the MMR vaccine causes autism in some cases. I am so glad I waited to turn on images, because doing so helped me keep myself from going on a novel-length diatribe about how she could not even possibly have so much as conversed with a severely autistic child - much less that child's mother - for a straight five minutes if she could assert with a straight face that this sparkly rainbow graphic could "suddenly" make the prospect of allowing my child to be given autism she didn't already have not "look so bad."

As they say in the South, "You can fix ignorant, but you can't fix stupid." I don't know which category this email falls under, but I don't feel the need to find out. Heavenly Father loves this woman dearly as His child, and would be disappointed in me for reaming her out for something that would not benefit either of us. Clearly she has made her choice, and I have made mine. I have found that counsel is best reserved until it is sought - in other words, she doesn't want to know what I want to tell her, and it is frustrating to talk to someone who isn't listening. My experiences with family members, friends, and students, who experience autism and other disabling conditions would effect her position about as effectively as her photographs and links effected mine.

So, I'm not angry, just a little sad.   I just let it go.

What are some strategies that have worked for you as you try to explain things you do to people who don't understand? Leave your experiences in the comments because I would love some suggestions - especially ones that went well for all involved.

14 vs. 70 studies. There IS a link between vaccines and autism.

Before I read this blog I believed that the children who get autism after being vaccinated would have gotten it anyway because they already had it, though the vaccine may have shocked their system into a more serious case.  I was already planning to wait until my infant daughter was at least 5 to give the MMR vaccine.  But autism and Celiac disease (another autoimmune disorder) run strong in my family and I am wondering why I should bother consenting to it ever.  I didn't want to believe that the medical community was flat-out lying to us about this.  My heart is breaking.  14 studies disprove the 70 studies that point to a link to autism. 70!  I am so blessed by this woman's diligence, and all the mommies trying to teach a world with fingers in their ears.  Thank you, all of you.

Happy Birthday, Charlotte

Two years ago today, on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, my daughter was born.  She was 6 weeks early, but she was strong and came out fighting.  She offered strength and beauty, mixed with some straight Southern sass, to a broken world in need of the hope that can only come when a child is born.  She hasn't stopped fighting, smiling, or learning since that day, and I pray she never will.  We need her.  I love you, Princess.

Religious vs. Disciple

There is a difference between being religious and being a true disciple of Christ.

Our Gospel of Principles class was discussing the parable of the Good Samaritan on Sunday, and someone gave an uncomfortable but true account of the terrible things she saw "religious" people do in her country.  She aid the Samaritan was acting out of love, while perhaps the Levite and Priest were bound by religion.  An interesting thought.

Here is this:

James 1:23-27

25  But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
26  If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.
27  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

This is important to remember.  I want to be a disciple of Christ, not just religious.  It is important to know - and remember - the difference.