Speaking Kindly to an Ignorant World

This is not a rant.

But it could be.

I have expressed my concerns about the potential hazards of the vaccine schedule to infants on multiple forums lately. I am not against vaccines on principle, I only hope to encourage people who care what I have to say to do some research and arm themselves with the facts before they chose when and which vaccines are administered to their child.  I honestly have no problem with parents choosing to vaccinate fully and on schedule, as long as they choose to do that, rather than just bowing to the "sign here" culture prevelent in many doctor's offices these days (and as I did with my first two children).

I am not sure which of these forums this complete stranger got my email address from, but she read a comment I made about how I intend to at least delay consenting to the MMR vaccine for my youngest daughter because of its links to autism, and found it so offensive that she sent me a personal email.  In this email, she shared many facts about the dangers measles, mumps, and rubella, along with some images. Thankfully, my email does not show images in emails without my express permission.  I determined not to turn on the images until after I responded, because I suspected they would upset me.

I decided to respond right away because I was in a good mood and I wanted to be kind.  I'll include my response here (complete with typos - oops), in case it would be helpful to anyone who feels as I do and isn't sure how to respond kindly to unkind people who accuse of crimes (chiefly, not doing our own research and not caring for the well-being of our own or others' children) not committed.  I also thought it might be comforting to any of my family members who might be concerned by my recent posts that I might never vaccinate my baby, which isn't true.  Plus, I want to keep it filed away for potential future use and for posterity:

Dear ,

I do not know who you are or how you got my email address, but I still appreciate your concern. I have educated myself with many sources, which I hope all parents will do for their own children. A couple of my favorite sources are this blog http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/why-all-the-measles-outbreaks/#comment-2096 from a family who has done much more research on this subject than I have time to do. There are many links at the bottom of that particular post that site sources, hundreds total once you follow the links, confirming the links to autism the post asserts.

Another book I would recommend to anyone is Dr. Sears' "The Vaccine Book" which offers a balanced review of every single vaccine on the schedule, pros and cons and options. It's excellent. It neither persuades to or to not vaccinate, only offers information no one gets on those little we-have-to-give-you-these-before-we-ask-you-to-sign sheets the pediatricians give us five minutes before the shots are administered. I highly recommend giving that book at least a flip-through.

With the allergies my daughter already has, and the strains of autism and Celiac in my family, I felt it would be wise to wait until her immune system was a little more developed to introduce these three dangerous diseases at once into her system.

You may also be interested to know that children vaccinated on schedule often don't have the immunity for life that children whose parents waited a little longer enjoy. So outbreaks are much more often because of fully vaccinated adults, not unvaccinated children.

I do not wish to persuade anyone to make the choices I am making, only that they inform themselves about the facts, benefits, and risks rather than bowing to the mighty schedule the mainstream swears by by default. I am sad when I hear someone decides not to vaccinate before they've really researched it, and I'm sad if someone decides to just-sign-here before they've really researched it too.

Again, thank you for your concern, and have a blessed Sunday!

Ashley

...One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.


I hit "send" and then, out of curiosity, I turned on the images. The photographs of sick children did not surprise me. This one did, though:

Please, educate yourself and help everyone eradicate these awful diseases.

Suddenly doesn't look so bad does it?

It was then that I realized this person never attempted to disprove my research-backed claim that the MMR vaccine causes autism in some cases. I am so glad I waited to turn on images, because doing so helped me keep myself from going on a novel-length diatribe about how she could not even possibly have so much as conversed with a severely autistic child - much less that child's mother - for a straight five minutes if she could assert with a straight face that this sparkly rainbow graphic could "suddenly" make the prospect of allowing my child to be given autism she didn't already have not "look so bad."

As they say in the South, "You can fix ignorant, but you can't fix stupid." I don't know which category this email falls under, but I don't feel the need to find out. Heavenly Father loves this woman dearly as His child, and would be disappointed in me for reaming her out for something that would not benefit either of us. Clearly she has made her choice, and I have made mine. I have found that counsel is best reserved until it is sought - in other words, she doesn't want to know what I want to tell her, and it is frustrating to talk to someone who isn't listening. My experiences with family members, friends, and students, who experience autism and other disabling conditions would effect her position about as effectively as her photographs and links effected mine.

So, I'm not angry, just a little sad.   I just let it go.

What are some strategies that have worked for you as you try to explain things you do to people who don't understand? Leave your experiences in the comments because I would love some suggestions - especially ones that went well for all involved.

14 vs. 70 studies. There IS a link between vaccines and autism.

Before I read this blog I believed that the children who get autism after being vaccinated would have gotten it anyway because they already had it, though the vaccine may have shocked their system into a more serious case.  I was already planning to wait until my infant daughter was at least 5 to give the MMR vaccine.  But autism and Celiac disease (another autoimmune disorder) run strong in my family and I am wondering why I should bother consenting to it ever.  I didn't want to believe that the medical community was flat-out lying to us about this.  My heart is breaking.  14 studies disprove the 70 studies that point to a link to autism. 70!  I am so blessed by this woman's diligence, and all the mommies trying to teach a world with fingers in their ears.  Thank you, all of you.

Happy Birthday, Charlotte

Two years ago today, on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, my daughter was born.  She was 6 weeks early, but she was strong and came out fighting.  She offered strength and beauty, mixed with some straight Southern sass, to a broken world in need of the hope that can only come when a child is born.  She hasn't stopped fighting, smiling, or learning since that day, and I pray she never will.  We need her.  I love you, Princess.

Religious vs. Disciple

There is a difference between being religious and being a true disciple of Christ.

Our Gospel of Principles class was discussing the parable of the Good Samaritan on Sunday, and someone gave an uncomfortable but true account of the terrible things she saw "religious" people do in her country.  She aid the Samaritan was acting out of love, while perhaps the Levite and Priest were bound by religion.  An interesting thought.

Here is this:

James 1:23-27

25  But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.
26  If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.
27  Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.

This is important to remember.  I want to be a disciple of Christ, not just religious.  It is important to know - and remember - the difference.

The Brass Serpent

About the Israelites being commanded to look at the brass serpent:

Alma 33:20 But few understood the meaning of those things, and this because of the hardness of their hearts. But there were many who were so hardened that they would not look, therefore they perished. Now the reason they would not look is because they did not believe that it would heal them.

Would I have looked?  Goal for today: Pray for the strength to look and the gift of being healed.