Dear Jade,
It is late the night before your very first birthday. I can't tell you how excited I am to be part of this occasion. Heavenly Father sent you to me and your Dad to be born and you have been with us a whole year tomorrow morning. I love remembering your Birth Day. And I love you!
I want you to know that I made you a cake. It is in the oven right now (once it's out, I will have no excuses left for not going to bed). I made you a gluten-free, egg-free, sucrose-free birthday cake (thank you Barefeet in the Kitchen's Mary Younin for sharing the Gluten Free White Cake recipe I modified for the occasion) that will taste wonderful.
This isn't my first everything-free birthday, but it is my first First Birthday Cake. Your other two siblings got cornbread for their first birthdays.
Why?
Because making a birthday cake makes your mother incredibly uncomfortable.
Why?
I'll tell you.
Committing to living a low-sugar life about 3 years ago launched my headlong into the unknown. I didn't know how to eat, enjoy life, or even socialize without sugar. I had to learn it all from scratch. I hate learning from scratch. I waste a lot of time waiting - or in the case of cake, searching the internet - for the fool-proof way to do whatever new thing I am trying to do so I can't possibly fail, even the very first time.
This isn't healthy, and it doesn't work. The path - any path - every path to success is littered with messes, mistakes, disappointments, and failed attempts. The winner is the one that keeps moving along the path until he or she passes through them all and comes out victorious on the other side - not the one who refuses to begin.
Mmm. It's starting to smell good now.
I don't bake well and I don't cook well. It makes me sad when I have to feed your Dad something he doesn't love. And he has very high standards. (But he always eats what I feed him, and is grateful for the time I took to do it.) A birthday is a special day, a day that should include a yummy treat (cornbread, by the way, doesn't really fall into the "yummy" category). And ideally, that yummy treat should be made by the birthday girl's Mom.
And that's me!
Baking a cake represents many things I am not good at:
- Baking
- Making decisions (e.g. deciding which recipe to use, whether or not to do dairy free, or egg free...)
- Planning ahead
- Committing to a course of action before I am certain what the outcome will be
- Taking hot things out of the oven and testing for done-ness (did I mention you Dad's not here tonight to do this for me?)
I did it for you, Baby Girl.
In your twelve short months of life, you have inspired me to do many things I wasn't able to do before. And I am learning some important things.
- It's alright to need help. In fact, recognizing when you do and asking for it as a gift - to yourself and others - that few people in this country enjoy. (Crystal helped me make your cake, which made it easier and a lot more enjoyable. She always laughs at my jokes, and laughter helps me not be so afraid.)
- No one begins an expert. The only way to get to be excellent at something is to begin as a beginner.
- I will never change the world doing only what I already do well.
And it's 12:03. Happy Birthday, Jade! I love you!
