Jesus Wasn't Cold: Sinfully Inaccurate Religious Christmas Songs

I resist the urge to jump right into a list of songs I love to hate to favor instead the deserved confession that most well-known religious Christmas carols are both Biblically and historically accurate. More still are Biblically accurate, but misstep in terms of time of year (Jesus was born in the Spring not winter) or general timeline (the Christ child was in a house again by the time the wise men arrived with their gifts).

So, in the Spirit of the season, let's start with the good guys:

Biblically and Historically Accurate Christmas Songs:

• What Child is This?
• Candlelight Carol
• Joy to the World
• Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful
• Angels We Have Heard on High
• Silent Night
• Hark the Herald Angels Sing
• With Wondering Awe
• Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains
• It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
• Oh Little Town of Bethlehem
• While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night (if you can excuse that they probably weren't "all sitting on the ground")
• Coventry Carol (possibly the saddest on this list)
• Sussex Carol
• We Three Kings
• Gabriel’s Message
• Gaudete
• The Wexford Carol
• Angels From the Realms of Glory

Now some brief commentary on the slightly errant:

Close, But...

• The First Noel: 
• In addition to the familiar-but-false born in Winter trope, this hymn also asserts that the New Star shone with "great light...both day and night," which there is simply no evidence for. 

• God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen; Go, Tell it on the Mountain
• "Christ our Savior" was not "born on Christmas Day," as Christmas didn't start being a day until more than 300 years after His death and resurrection. 
• Some believe the Catholics replaced a pagan celebration by putting Christmas Day on December 25. I've also read that the Roman Emperor Constantine, in 336 AD, chose December 25 to celebrate Jesus’ birth.

• With Wondering Awe
• It seems this song's author got the wise men - who according to the Biblical record neither saw the baby in the stable nor heard angels - mixed up with the shepherds, who did both.

• In the Bleak Mid-Winter, The Holly and the Ivy, What Sweeter Music, 2000 Decembers Ago

• Christ was not born in the Winter. Some scholars place the date in the Spring based on the time of year when shepherds would be watching their flocks by night (Luke 2:8-20) at all, while others guess Fall, possibly during the Feast of Tabernacles.

• Side note: I especially appreciate that the author of "In the Bleak Mid-Winter," lyrics writes, "Angels and archangels may have gathered there," showing he knows this is part of the story he doesn't know, rather than just stating it as fact because it's fun to think about.

• Oh Holy Night
• The Bible states that the wise men found visited the Christ child in a house, not the manger (Matt. 2:11). Most scholars seem to agree it took about 2 years for the wise men to reach Him with their gifts from their far away homes. 
• We often see the wise men present in nativity scenes - a convention we have Frances of Assisi to thank for (circa A.D. 1223) - merely as an artistic convenience.

Before I jump into the truly terrible songs, I'll add another autistically-fun list: a list of hymns I didn't assess for historical accuracy because their purpose isn't to "tell the story" anyway.

More Reflective/Celebratory/Aspirational Than Narrative:

• I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
• Oh Come, Oh Come, Emmanuel
• In Dulci Jubilo
• Shepherd Pipe's Carol
• Carol of the Bells
• Ding Dong! Merrily on High

Now Ladies and Gentlemen, the Moment You've All Been Reading For, the Worst of all Christmas  Carols (Listed Roughly From Least to Most Egregious)

Off, But Forgivable

• Good Christian Men, Rejoice
• That title section is the only thing wrong with it, but...it really didn't age well.

• Once in Royal David's City
• The hymnal at my church wisely omits the fourth verse, which ends with a description of what it will be like when "his children" are with Him in Heaven, "when like stars His children crowned/all in white shall wait around." Not only is this not Biblical but...pardon me while I yawn... 

• Little Drummer Boy
• No shade, it's lyrically cute (though many renditions simply never end). It's just not theologically...anything.
• Wait, though. If this boy was invited by the wise men - the only people who would have said "our finest gifts we bring" - to join them on their journey, and he was pa-rum-pum-pum-pum-ing all the way, the fact that he made it to his destination alive is a Christmas miracle in itself!

Dangerously Off Base

• Christmas Shoes, by NewSong
• Many souls more patient than mine have shed light upon the depths this song sinks to. To their true words I'll add only this: no "worst songs ever" list would be complete without this title on it. 

• Homeless, by Michael McLane
• When I first heard this song on a soundtrack I didn't realize that in the music this number - which repeats the refrain "we are not homeless like the Christ child was" so many times that one becomes certain of its hypnotic intentions - is sung by a group of homeless characters warming themselves outside by a stereotypical garbage can fire at Christmas time. Ew.
• I should like to think it obvious that being born in a stable while His parents reported for the census does not make the Christ child homeless anymore than it makes someone homeless to be born in a hotel while their family is on vacation. So that's just careless. But for those of us who are now or ever have been homeless, the hypnotically incessant reminder that we're even worse off than a kid born in a stall hits as cruel.
• If that wasn't enough, it also says that his "homeless days on earth" only ended when He died. No amount of Jesus being a home for the homeless redeems the rest of this song.

• Away in a Manger
• It was my distaste for this beloved song that started my informal quest for honest Christmas songs for me, but I was in High School before I could put my finger on what I didn't like. 
• I happened across an interview with Gladys Knight on my radio around Christmas time. This popular singer is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, to which I also belong. So I stopped turning the knob and paid attention. She said what I had never let myself fully accept before that moment: there's actually false doctrine in some Christmas hymns. She mentioned Away in a Manger specifically and stated with the cool confidence of an established professional and person of faith that if Jesus was a perfect baby, He most certainly Did cry. Because a perfect baby communicates, and a perfect baby experiences the full range of emotions available to all of us passing through mortality. She gave words to years of vague angst around this song for me, and I was never the same again. :)
• The "fit us for heaven" bit in the last verse wouldn't be too bad on its own, if we weren't taught in the same poem that perfect children don't even cry when awakened by loud animals. I don't think I want to go where their version of Jesus  wants to send me!

• Mary, Did You Know?
• This one almost didn't make the naughty list. I like thinking about Mary as an active participant in her story, and this poem really is beautiful. But when I saw it on another blogger's "the worst" list and read why, I realized how patronizing it was. 
• Based on the Bible alone, the answer to every question posed to Mary in the song is a resounding, unequivocable, "Yes!" She knew ALL of those things. Which leaves only one question remaining, and it's not for Mary: When is the last time you read Luke Chapter 1?
• Note: I'm seeing there's an unintentional theme in this last set of songs: a general distrust in Mary's intelligence.

• Do You Hear What I Hear?
• Talking sheep? A king happy to hear the news? Gold offered as a solution for a shivering baby? What alternate universe are we operating from? Also, Mary was smart enough to bring swaddling clothes on her trip - I'm sure she was also smart enough to bring enough of them and use them properly!

• While You Were Sleeping, by Casting Crowns
• At last we come to the song I wrote this whole piece to complain about.
• But as this treatise is already 4 pages long, I'll make it a separate post.

Dear Jade, Happy Birthday!

May 23rd, 2014, 11:33PM

Dear Jade,

It is late the night before your very first birthday.  I can't tell you how excited I am to be part of this occasion.  Heavenly Father sent you to me and your Dad to be born and you have been with us a whole year tomorrow morning.  I love remembering your Birth Day.  And I love you!

I want you to know that I made you a cake.  It is in the oven right now (once it's out, I will have no excuses left for not going to bed).  I made you a gluten-free, egg-free, sucrose-free birthday cake (thank you Barefeet in the Kitchen's Mary Younin for sharing the Gluten Free White Cake recipe I modified for the occasion) that will taste wonderful.

This isn't my first everything-free birthday, but it is my first First Birthday Cake.  Your other two siblings got cornbread for their first birthdays.

Why?

Because making a birthday cake makes your mother incredibly uncomfortable.

Why?

I'll tell you.

Committing to living a low-sugar life about 3 years ago launched my headlong into the unknown.  I didn't know how to eat, enjoy life, or even socialize without sugar.  I had to learn it all from scratch.  I hate learning from scratch.  I waste a lot of time waiting - or in the case of cake, searching the internet - for the fool-proof way to do whatever new thing I am trying to do so I can't possibly fail, even the very first time.

This isn't healthy, and it doesn't work.  The path - any path - every path to success is littered with messes, mistakes, disappointments, and failed attempts. The winner is the one that keeps moving along the path until he or she passes through them all and comes out victorious on the other side  - not the one who refuses to begin.

Mmm.  It's starting to smell good now.

I don't bake well and I don't cook well.  It makes me sad when I have to feed your Dad something he doesn't love.  And he has very high standards. (But he always eats what I feed him, and is grateful for the time I took to do it.)  A birthday is a special day, a day that should include a yummy treat (cornbread, by the way, doesn't really fall into the "yummy" category).  And ideally, that yummy treat should be made by the birthday girl's Mom.

And that's me!

Baking a cake represents many things I am not good at:

• Baking
• Making decisions (e.g. deciding which recipe to use, whether or not to do dairy free, or egg free...)
• Planning ahead
• Committing to a course of action before I am certain what the outcome will be
• Taking hot things out of the oven  and testing for done-ness (did I mention you Dad's not here tonight to do this for me?)

But I DID it!

I did it for you, Baby Girl.

In your twelve short months of life, you have inspired me to do many things I wasn't able to do before.  And I am learning some important things.

1. It's alright to need help.  In fact, recognizing when you do and asking for it as a gift - to yourself and others - that few people in this country enjoy.  (Crystal helped me make your cake, which made it easier and a lot more enjoyable.  She always laughs at my jokes, and laughter helps me not be so afraid.)
2. No one begins an expert.  The only way to get to be excellent at something is to begin as a beginner.
3. I will never change the world doing only what I already do well.

The cake is out of the oven now, and you are waking up.

And it's 12:03.  Happy Birthday, Jade!  I love you!

The Nances Attend Their First Meeting at the Spanish Ward

Hello Everybody!

After much ado and tons of help from others - and Providence - we've moved into our new home (we moved in with family for a few months after we left Texas, but now we have our own place) at last.  Our new address is 430 N. 470 W. #19, Lehi, UT 84043.  We love our new place!  I hope to post pictures soon.

David and I prayerfully considered what this new phase of our family's journey should look like.  Among other things, we ultimately decided - David very excitedly and me very nervously - that we would go to Church in Spanish here.  I was nervous that we would be seen as invaders or impostors, so I asked David to call ahead and make sure we would be welcome.  The Bishop ("Obisbo" Martinez) was happy to hear from us and reassured us that we would not be the only Spanish-as-a-second-language family there, and that he looked forward to meeting us.

We prepared ourselves and our children as best we could for the big day, but there was definitely tension in the air as we drove to Church.  Malachi started to cry, and said he didn't want to go to the Spanish ward.  I felt scared too.  We sand "Scripture Power," and that helped.  I assured him that I would go with him to Primary and that helped him feel better too.  He didn't know that the thought of going to Primary with him in stead of Sunday School alone was comforting to me too, as David would at least bring Charlotte to Nursery to explain her gluten free needs if not stay with her there.

We sat down in Primary on the "4 anos" row with a beautiful Hispanic Mom who introduced herself to me as "Carmen."   Malachi asked me, "What do I do with all these strangers?" as he looked at his classmates, who were competing with each other at how high they could count in English.  Ultimately, he held up four fingers and enthusiastically declared, "Cuatro anos," ("four years (old)") several times.  It reminded me of the Kid History video Mark and Jessica love so much when the guy keeps popping out of nowhere and saying "BUT if you buy four completos..."  The children looked at him, a little confused, but not judgmental.  Carmen welcomed him, and between him and I, discerned that his name is "Malaquias" in Spanish, and introduced him to the rest of the class.

Before bed Saturday night, we asked Malachi to think of some things he liked that he could talk about if someone asked him.  He asked us how to say "rifle" ("rifle") and shotgun ("escopeta").  Apparently he hadn't stopped thinking of possibilities, because about the same time Primary officially began, he looked his teacher in the eyes and said, "Me gusta armas de fuego" ("I like guns").  This wonderful woman, with the same smile I would have expected to see if he had told her he likes birds or puppies, said, "Bien!" instantly becoming my hero!  Shortly after that, someone came to pull us out of Primary to come meet the Bishop, and I was delighted to hear Malachi protest that he wanted to stay.  (I was less delighted, however, to learn that my new hero gives out chocolate, and Charlotte's Nursery leaders do lollypops.  I guess you can't have it all - at least not on the first Sunday!)

We all had a great time.  One of the Brothers told David that he was always happy to meet a "Gringo" who could could speak Spanish because to him that meant God loved him.

They're great people - so real! - and we were indeed welcomed.

After Church, I let Malachi draw while Charlotte and David napped, and encouraged him to draw things that Jesus created.  I suggested a tree, which he said was hard, but I encouraged him to practice and he did a great job.  He asked if God created turtles and was happy to be able to draw them. He drew several, and then informed me that he didn't have to practice because he's already good at drawing turtles.  And so he is. :)

He wants to tell you this: "I love drawing turtles and my orange one got lost."

We hope you all had a wonderful Sunday too.  Love and hugs from us to you!

Big News

Something is happening for the Nances this months.  No, we're not pregnant, but you'll still want to hold onto your chair, because this one is a doozie.

Some of you know that early in December, David withdrew from his program.  This was a long time coming, and we finally felt the Lord's strong opinion that it was time to move on.  There are many many reasons why, but in short, a person can only live a lie for so long before it becomes evident that he can't turn the lie true.  So, with a few ideas of what he might do instead and as-strong-as-we-can-muster faith in God, we (I say we because we did it together even though it fell to him to physically say, write, and type the necessary words) resigned from the PhD program.

Over the next few weeks, I launched into high gear, trying to find enough freelance content writing and copywriting clients to keep us afloat as we transition into the next phase of our lives, whatever the future may hold.  I have found some so far, but not enough, and while I'm still looking, we realized our runway was running out very quickly, so we tried to think of anyone we hadn't called yet.

I called David's Aunt Delonie, who is the VP of Human Resources at her rapidly growing company, to ask if she knew anyone who might be looking for freelance copywriters.  She actually got really excited as she asked about my experience and qualifications, and then encouraged me to apply for a full-time position with benefits at her company.  We prayed and decided I would apply, and through other research and pondering and prayer, decided that living near David's family in Utah was better than Texas now anyway. Whatever the Lord sent us here to do is essentially done, and it's time to move on - and on means to Utah.

So now we're selling almost everything we can't carry onto the plane, and giving away the rest, and starting a new life in a place of our own with a newer-than-ever car (this one's staying here!) and the future looks bright for the Nances.  We're hopeful that David's book writing, through his perseverance and hard work, and my freelance writing will add up to enough to allow me to come home again within the year.  So if you or anyone you know is looking for a writer, put in a good word for me.

Anyway, enough of that.  We're all sad to leave the people we love here and David is especially sad to leave his aspirations for a Doctoral degree behind, so even though we're certain this is the right thing to do, we ask for your prayers at this difficult time.  We have things to pack, things to get rid of, books to mail, friends to say goodbye to and get addresses from, three children to coach and physically move through the experience, fly nonstop from Houston to Salt Lake, a home to find and buy or rent, a minivan to buy and register...you get the picture.  All the prayers and encouraging thoughts you can send will be appreciated - we feel and appreciate those you say already.

Speaking of minivans, David and I chuckled today that faith and tithing are probably the only reasons why our van isn't already dead.  A pickup truck backed out of an opposing parking spot at the same instant we did Friday night and we collided.  Thankfully, neither party could see any reason to make a big deal of it, so we went our separate ways without exchanging insurance information.  We didn't realize until this morning how much damage was done - the whole driver's side is pushed forward from the rear to the point that it's hard to open the driver's side door.  The week before that (also on date night!) we ran over a huge nail-type thing and popped a tire, but when we took it to Walmart they ignored my request to replace the tire and patched it instead.  The week before that we had the oil changed and the nice man informed us that there was oil in the coolant.  At this point  I'm praying I'll be able to drive it to the junk yard when we go to sell it for scrap rather than have it towed :)  I'm ready for something nicer moving forward!

That brings you up to speed on the crazy Nances.  Anyone who wants more details can feel free to call me - I'll be busy organizing and packing and cleaning here until we fly out Wednesday, January 28.

Thanks for reading - we love you! :)

Saturday is a Special Day...

Malachi's Primary program is tomorrow, which was just the motivation I needed to finally shave his overgrown hair.  I plug in the buzzer and seat him - I realize later - directly across from our framed photograph of the First Presidency of the Church.
As I'm  cutting:
Malachi: I want to look like President Eyring.
Me: No, he's bald! He doesn't have any hair at all!
Malachi: I want to be bald.
I related this to David later, with M present.
David: I'm o.k. with him wanting to look like President Eyring.
Me to David: But tomorrow's the Primary program.
David: Oh, that's true.
Me to Malachi: Tell you what, you do the Primary program tomorrow and if you still want to on Monday, I'll shave your head then.  Is that a good compromise?
Malachi (laughing): Nope it's not!
Me: I think that's what he wants - to look like President Eyring for the Primary program.
David to Malachi: Mommy doesn't want you to look like a goof for the Primary program.
Malachi: Then everyone would be like, What!? (Teenager head-cocking, eyebrows and all!)

We about died laughing!  It was a great moment.  He still won't be bald tomorrow though :)

Speaking Kindly to an Ignorant World

This is not a rant.

But it could be.

I have expressed my concerns about the potential hazards of the vaccine schedule to infants on multiple forums lately. I am not against vaccines on principle, I only hope to encourage people who care what I have to say to do some research and arm themselves with the facts before they chose when and which vaccines are administered to their child.  I honestly have no problem with parents choosing to vaccinate fully and on schedule, as long as they choose to do that, rather than just bowing to the "sign here" culture prevelent in many doctor's offices these days (and as I did with my first two children).

I am not sure which of these forums this complete stranger got my email address from, but she read a comment I made about how I intend to at least delay consenting to the MMR vaccine for my youngest daughter because of its links to autism, and found it so offensive that she sent me a personal email.  In this email, she shared many facts about the dangers measles, mumps, and rubella, along with some images. Thankfully, my email does not show images in emails without my express permission.  I determined not to turn on the images until after I responded, because I suspected they would upset me.

I decided to respond right away because I was in a good mood and I wanted to be kind.  I'll include my response here (complete with typos - oops), in case it would be helpful to anyone who feels as I do and isn't sure how to respond kindly to unkind people who accuse of crimes (chiefly, not doing our own research and not caring for the well-being of our own or others' children) not committed.  I also thought it might be comforting to any of my family members who might be concerned by my recent posts that I might never vaccinate my baby, which isn't true.  Plus, I want to keep it filed away for potential future use and for posterity:

Dear ,

I do not know who you are or how you got my email address, but I still appreciate your concern. I have educated myself with many sources, which I hope all parents will do for their own children. A couple of my favorite sources are this blog http://gianelloni.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/why-all-the-measles-outbreaks/#comment-2096 from a family who has done much more research on this subject than I have time to do. There are many links at the bottom of that particular post that site sources, hundreds total once you follow the links, confirming the links to autism the post asserts.

Another book I would recommend to anyone is Dr. Sears' "The Vaccine Book" which offers a balanced review of every single vaccine on the schedule, pros and cons and options. It's excellent. It neither persuades to or to not vaccinate, only offers information no one gets on those little we-have-to-give-you-these-before-we-ask-you-to-sign sheets the pediatricians give us five minutes before the shots are administered. I highly recommend giving that book at least a flip-through.

With the allergies my daughter already has, and the strains of autism and Celiac in my family, I felt it would be wise to wait until her immune system was a little more developed to introduce these three dangerous diseases at once into her system.

You may also be interested to know that children vaccinated on schedule often don't have the immunity for life that children whose parents waited a little longer enjoy. So outbreaks are much more often because of fully vaccinated adults, not unvaccinated children.

I do not wish to persuade anyone to make the choices I am making, only that they inform themselves about the facts, benefits, and risks rather than bowing to the mighty schedule the mainstream swears by by default. I am sad when I hear someone decides not to vaccinate before they've really researched it, and I'm sad if someone decides to just-sign-here before they've really researched it too.

Again, thank you for your concern, and have a blessed Sunday!

Ashley

...One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.


I hit "send" and then, out of curiosity, I turned on the images. The photographs of sick children did not surprise me. This one did, though:

Please, educate yourself and help everyone eradicate these awful diseases.

Suddenly doesn't look so bad does it?

It was then that I realized this person never attempted to disprove my research-backed claim that the MMR vaccine causes autism in some cases. I am so glad I waited to turn on images, because doing so helped me keep myself from going on a novel-length diatribe about how she could not even possibly have so much as conversed with a severely autistic child - much less that child's mother - for a straight five minutes if she could assert with a straight face that this sparkly rainbow graphic could "suddenly" make the prospect of allowing my child to be given autism she didn't already have not "look so bad."

As they say in the South, "You can fix ignorant, but you can't fix stupid." I don't know which category this email falls under, but I don't feel the need to find out. Heavenly Father loves this woman dearly as His child, and would be disappointed in me for reaming her out for something that would not benefit either of us. Clearly she has made her choice, and I have made mine. I have found that counsel is best reserved until it is sought - in other words, she doesn't want to know what I want to tell her, and it is frustrating to talk to someone who isn't listening. My experiences with family members, friends, and students, who experience autism and other disabling conditions would effect her position about as effectively as her photographs and links effected mine.

So, I'm not angry, just a little sad.   I just let it go.

What are some strategies that have worked for you as you try to explain things you do to people who don't understand? Leave your experiences in the comments because I would love some suggestions - especially ones that went well for all involved.

14 vs. 70 studies. There IS a link between vaccines and autism.

Before I read this blog I believed that the children who get autism after being vaccinated would have gotten it anyway because they already had it, though the vaccine may have shocked their system into a more serious case.  I was already planning to wait until my infant daughter was at least 5 to give the MMR vaccine.  But autism and Celiac disease (another autoimmune disorder) run strong in my family and I am wondering why I should bother consenting to it ever.  I didn't want to believe that the medical community was flat-out lying to us about this.  My heart is breaking.  14 studies disprove the 70 studies that point to a link to autism. 70!  I am so blessed by this woman's diligence, and all the mommies trying to teach a world with fingers in their ears.  Thank you, all of you.